Tears gland breakdown-I collapse

Since when my tears can drop so easily? It just rolled down my face and chin and it couldn't stop. It happened most probably when everything comes to an end. I really don't deserve your love because i'm too selfish. 

Remember the day when i said YES to you? It fell on 11th of October 2006. Seriously, if you asked me why did I say YES, I will answered I don't know. You're not handsome, not rich, not muscular or whatever. You just gave me a feel that I would say YES. I believed that you will be someone in future, you will change and be someone better and someone whom I can depend on. I don't know how i could get this feeling, but i trust my feeling a lot. 

The starting part wasn't really smooth. We both went to National Service at different time during 2007 and thus the time we get to see each other was nearly 0. I still remembered that I will called you during weekday using the public phone and you will call me during the weekend. We chatted non-stop from morning till night. you bought me KFC when you visited me in the camp. This was probably the best food i have ever had in the camp. 

When I was in Taylor's College, I was waiting for your call everyday. Getting your call was like having the most wonderful present for the day. Remember the day when you came to KL right after you were out from NS camp? I burst out laughing when i saw your botak and cute hairstyle. Finally i saw you after two month plus. I still remembered the awkward feeling after not seeing you for so long. That year was probably a travelling year for us, as we used to travel from kampar to KL and from KL to Kampar. We went to Westlake in the middle of the night and you brought your guitar along. Cycling was fun! We went to Pyramid till the am and you piggyback me, walking along the road near pyramid. It was a beautiful moment to be with you though it was hard and challenging.

2008 was the first year where I really celebrated my birthday with you and my friends. It was awesome. I stepped into my university life this year and you were the one who supported me for everything. After everything of mine had settled down, I begun to ask you to come to KL as well. We succeeded in talking to your mum about this! It was a superb moment and finally we can see each other weekly. This was the time when we really spent time with each other. We had no car and money like everyone else but we enjoyed ourselves. We took every type of transport include walking to reach our destination! We went every mall in KL together, and tried every food together. We never get tired of walking just to enjoy every moment. Besides, this was also the time where i started to cook for you, and have you with me during weekend. It was like dream come true and everything went so well. I had palpitations whenever i had my examinations and you were here to accompany me. Gave me the hug that I need the most. The hug that made me sleep soundly at night and rescued me from palpitation induced insomnia. Everything goes so well! I cant express all the memories here but it will be my heart always.

All these while I have been waiting for you, to become the someone I can depend on. I have too much of demands in the someone whom I want to rely my future life on. I'm seriously stubborn. Those measures for the someone are still there. Maybe it's just too much until I'm deviated from the normal line. Maybe it's just too much for you. Money is an important thing in life, but i don't really need you to be rich like a millionaire. I just need your extra caring for a girlfriend, let me feel that I'm the special one. This type of feeling is hard to express, and I can't teach you how to do it. Money doesn't matters, what matters to me is you! I'm just a normal girl who needs care from the one I love. I'm strong, I know. But I still need your protection. What's the point of having a boyfriend if you don't feel his existence?

It was my fault who made everything become how it is now. I don't blame you, I blamed myself for hurting the one who gave me most of the love these years. I can't erase what I have done which hurts you. And I don't know what can i do to have you with me? I have no idea how I'm going to go through all these without you. I really have no idea. I can only feel the tears rolling down, but they don't help me much. I can't forgive myself. Thank God for having you as my boyfriend. Cheer up my dear! I know you can do it! I have always believe in you though i don't show it out. Be the best okay! You will always have me if you need me. Don't worry about me. I'm strong. I'm tough. I will be okay. No matter what happen in the future, I will love you as always.